Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
