Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
