I just pynch a tree in the face
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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