that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
