Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
