shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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