I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
