time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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