Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
