I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
