where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
