Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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