what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
