I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
