I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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