i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Help. Why am I so naked?
how do you say âi know we havenât hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other dayâ without coming on too strong
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