Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
