I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
