i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
