i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
