fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
