you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
