Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have demons in me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
