Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I've blown a few things in my day
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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