Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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