Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
