Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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