I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
