Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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