I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
