He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
