Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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