Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
