i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
