mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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