worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
