So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
