I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
