I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
