i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
