You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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