dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
