My first STD was from a foam party
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize