I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
