I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize