Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
