his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
