I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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