weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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