thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize