My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
