i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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