you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
