I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
