i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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