I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
