they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
