two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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