hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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