I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
