that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
