i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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