I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The Olympian is in my bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
