I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
