how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
