I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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