Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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