You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
