The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You smell like stripper and shame
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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