Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
