Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
