I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize