I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
