i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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