Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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