Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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