The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
