He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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