i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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