Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
