i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
