The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
