Your mouth is God's brothel.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
