We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
